The Time Ragyo and Ryuuko Destroyed the Town
by Amoridere
Summary: Typically, I don't post crack fics on here but I decided to make an exception, thus what you is what you see, whether or not you find it funny is up for your discretion. Ragyo tells a story of how she and a then one and a half year old Ryuuko destroyed the town


Mommy of mine liked to tell stories but her favorite ones to tell were ones of us when we were little. Of course, she told me of how I didn't like needles and how the town was destroyed. According to her, remembering that always made her laugh, especially since she had spent the first half of chase chasing me while she ran on all fours like some crazy animal, trying to catch a one and a half year old, who would not, as Nui said, take her shots like a little bitch. "I gave birth to such clever girls." Mommy would say, laughing hysterically. Of course, Mako asked her to tell the story to which she said, "Well,..."

* * *

_It all started on a normal day, after I had scheduled for the children to get their immunizations By this point, Satsuki had become brave and, by "brave", I mean she stopped biting and opening up a can of whupass on the doctor when she gave her her immunization shots, Nui stopped running and hiding in the newborn nursery, and Ryuuko seemed to have mastered the art of parkour and free-running, as she did more of that than she did walking. As we were on our way, Nui, being the little deviant that she is, decided it would be funny to scare her, which prompted me to tell Soichiro to take the wheel while I reach into the backseat and slap her in the forehead. When we got there, Ryuuko seemed to be terrified out of her mind and, when it was her turn to get her shots, she screamed the loudest she could scream. She stood up, raised her arms in the air, doing that thing I do when Nui acts out of turn and I try to make myself look bigger, and screamed something of a battle cry, before kicking the needle out of the doctor's hand and running one side side of the hospital room, screaming again. Hoping to corner her, Soichiro and I slowly closed in and, just as we were ready catch her, she jumped out of the way, causing Soichiro and I to hit our heads on the wall. Soichiro was so staggering around like a person who's had too many shots of Chianti, while I was fine, which of course I would be as being a party girl back in the day caused me to be tolerant of head injuries. Anyway, Ryuuko ran out into the hallway and, as we were chasing her, she dumped various things on the floor so we would be impeded. As to expected, Soichiro slipped and went flying through a window, leaving me alone to catch Ryuu._

_Like rabid beast, I got down on all fours and began chasing her. I chased her all throughout the hospital, causing destruction and chaos, kicking doors off of their hinges, throwing doctors aside, and having the psychiatric and intensive care doctors on my ass because they thought I seemed to have developed clinical lycanthropy, while the latter wanted to have me quarantined because they thought I developed rabies. This chase continued all the way through the lobby and out the door. By that point, Ryuu had run across the street, to which I was thinking, "Hell no!" Usually, I don't run into traffic but, this time, I was determined, stopped a guy in his car, forced open the door, looked him right in the eye, said, "Official Mommy Business", tossed him away, got in the car, and started after Ryuu. Did I mention I begat clever such girls? Well, I did, as Ryuu decided to cut through yards and houses, breaking and entering. That didn't slow me down as I decided to do what she did. She wanted to play dirty, fine, them Mommy'll play dirty, too, and no one will stop her! The cops were on both of us and the car was a pinto, as it exploded no sooner than I hit something else. I got out safely, of course, dusted myself off, pulled out a cigarette, lit it, smoked a little, threw it to the ground, put it out, and continued to pursue Ryuu. As I had chased her more with cops, doctors, and a news team on our asses, she put those parkour and free-running skills to work. Damn! By this point, I was fed up and started taking mega jumps, making craters into things, lessening her range of escape. Oh, for a one and a half year old, she sure moved fast, using her small size to her advantage in parkour and free-running. When she saw that wasn't working, she decided to carjack...an Eighteen wheeler. I chased after that on foot, which wouldn't matter as she seemed to have gotten scared and jumped out, rolling away safely, making running after her all the more easier. A mother knows her baby and I knew Ryuu well enough to know not to be distracted by a moving eighteen wheeler._

_Furious that her plans were foiled, she decided to challenge me to a fight, to which I said, "Bring it!" and she said, "Pother ath bitch!" Of course, I didn't really do anything, just dodging her hits, pissing her off further and letting her feel powerful. "Mommy's bigger than you!" I said, smirking. She responded like a one and half year old does and bit me so hard! I screamed like I the first time I had gone through childbirth, which scared her, making her cry, saying, "Mommie! Mommie! Mommieeeee!" I picked her up, kissed her on the forehead, and cradled her in my arms where she fell asleep. Saying, "Back it up bitches!" , I walked back to the hospital got her immunized, which was good, as she was too tired to even awake or notice. As for Soichiro, he was fine, aside from needing band-aids and a time away from work for a while. I was put on house arrest for awhile , stayed some in psychiatric quarantine, and took a bunch of rabies shots, several of which were to the ass._

* * *

"...And that is the story of how Ryuu and I destroyed the town." she finished, taking a deep breath afterwards. She then pointed to me and said, "You pull that shit again, you're getting an ass beating!" before laughing hysterically, stopping briefly, saying, "I mean it though."


End file.
